The Same Old Cliché

I think that writing itself is a therapeutic exercise. Surprisingly, this is the first time I've logged on LJ in quite some time; 210 weeks since my last update, to be exact. In any case, I find myself worrying as always. Mostly about things that are out of my control. That might make me sound a little pretentious, but my apprehension is unmatched by any other human expression. The sole intention of this so-called soliloquy (although in fact, I might not qualify the definition) would be to prevent the retention of thoughts, ideas, or false intuitions that wreak havoc on my conscious recollections. I shudder at the thought.

Because yes, I am bothered lately, but the view of the horizon leaves me feeling a little bit of suspicion, but at the same time, this circumspection (ever repetitious) gives me constitution, the rise of which battles my constant anxiety without the use of modern medication--thankfully.

I never intended to write in this form originally, but the flight of the concords to my soul leaves me peace.

And now, for you, a poem:

The dream weaver and the
cloud man collaborated
to bring an end to shiny
dreams and called cover
over the moon to hide
the things that I'd seen:
quiet visions, torn apart
likes leaves strewn on
dusty suburban sidewalks
and burned down wooden buildings
without regard. It seems
that nature and the elements
collide at such a point in time
that crying children and
groaning elders sigh and
forgive one another their
transgressions in passing;
just strangers of today.
If I go on my way,
I want to know the Sun
will keep on shining on those
happy, weathered faces, the
"resilient human race" for another
six billion years or so.


Please don't be too critical. Honestly, I just whipped it up in about 5 minutes or so. I can't promise any regularity in these journal postings, as the history of my journal will go to show. However, I will say that it has felt so good this far, to let it all out with disregard.

Now a few notes about my life; really, the "state of affairs" as they stand today. I've signed up for my classes for next semester, and it looks like a genuinely great schedule, at least to me. I'm re-enrolling in the IT Networking program, and I should have it finished by summer's end if all goes well. For spring, I will only have classes two nights a week, which is awesome, and will afford me a great deal of time to work, or pursue other interests. That's the kind of thing I need right now. Another plan in the making is that to move out around March if at all possible, but many factors weigh heavily on the decision. Were it not primarily monetary, I would be inclined to reach a conclusion much sooner than May.

Hopefully during this time of finishing my two-year program, I will gain the numerous certifications that I've qualified for. This, in turn, should bolster me into obtaining some sort of entry-level position, which I would be ever-grateful for. Then, next fall (of 2009), I hope to attend a fantastic, and renowned local school in a "working professional" program, while working in my new career. I want to earn my Bachelors in Management of Information Systems, which should complement everything nicely.

This is a nice Saturday, and although it's somewhat depressing that it's already getting dark (and has been overcast all day) at 4 o'clock, it's been relaxing, so no complaints from me. I would like to find another activity for later this evening, though. Just something to keep me busy--besides school work. I'm always up to my neck in that. But it will pay off eventually. I think what I will try to do, also, is update my layout and things relating to this journal. It's possible that I will take it on as my real "journal", as this venting process has been so great. We'll see.

Please leave me a comment, if you feel the need.

A very random update. I realize it has been a long time, and it could quite possibly be a while before I do so again. So I really have to make this count. Today is halloween, and it was pretty decent. Hung out with some friends and what not, and got to see my girlfriend. I had a good night, and talked with her and my mom. Otherwise I got some writing done, and it was amazing to see what form it took when it was finished. Some pieces you really have no idea about until you see the final product. It is always a very rewarding experience, though. Just as information, I'm working on updating my website. For those of you who are unaware, "http://vykoth.cjb.net" I have some of my favorite writing posted, so feel free to check it out. For my continuing supporters, you have my thanks.

Otherwise, same old stuff lately. I will soon be calling some jobs I applied to as feedback, just to see what happens. I could use a good work opportunity about now. School has been going alright, and I've been getting decent grades. Exams are this week, and I believe WKCE testing may be as well, so if anything I must get lucky with scheduling and have some time off. That's always enjoyed.

This is all for now, I'm heading off to bed.

Today was interesting. I woke up late around noon, and I was happy to find that the weather had improved today. Shortly after, I went to Gamestop with Jake to pick up a few games he wanted to get for Xbox. Then I went home, and sat around. No one was really online, so I played some UO. Eventually Jake called back, and I went over to his house to play Halo with him, his brother, and Will. That was entertaining. I just got home not too long ago. At the present, I am listening to music and talking online. Tomorrow is Six Flags, so hopefully I can try and have some fun with that. I feel the need to include some piece of "wisdom" in this update as well, but it just hasn't come to me. I will stay awake and hold out for that to happen.

Hello, everyone. Once again, I apologize for not updating in quite some time. The fact of the matter is that I usually just don't feel like doing so. You'll have to relish each entry, then. Anyways, I've written something today that I feel like sharing, so here it is:

It seems as though there is one I’ve found who senses my uniqueness and embraces me for it. Through past experiences I have found this quite rare; in fact, she is one of a kind. It never ceases to astonish me how much alike we are, and also how understanding she is towards me. I write in vain though, unable to fully express the feelings I’m experiencing adequately in words. There is a sense of hope only in our likeness, that one day our paths may merge because of it. I am fully aware of virtually all barriers that currently exist, even if this fact is disheartening. We continue to speak, and each word I read is like a heaven sent deliverance, relieving doubts and anxieties. Yet I continue to be unsure of things, wondering what place she will take in my life. There is an instinctual feeling about it all, telling me that she is to be made important in all affairs. I, of all people, should know by now the level of difficulty in finding someone as special as she is. It is quite the rarity (as I stated earlier), and the matter constantly pressures my conscience in an infinitesimal riddle. Dare I take the risk in all of this? But surely risk is what allows for two things to happen, either great success, or great failure. Either path brings with it the chance of personal growth that can be accomplished with just the right attitude. This, then, leads me to believe that I have absolutely nothing to lose by following this special girl, and everything to gain. Simply writing this with intent of sharing makes me nervous; but I feel that it will be acceptable just because she will understand my position to the fullest degree possible, as she has done thus far.

Yeah, that's all of it for now. I have an odd suspicion that I will be "inspired" to continue writing on the topic later. I also believe I will post more that I write during the course of the day (or when it happens) just for sake of readability. Just to give you a "blog"-like update, the last few days have been mostly uneventful as usual. The past two nights were spent at my friends house, and that seemed to relax me a little bit from the usual vice of boredom. I suppose thats about all for now. Please, comment. I need some of those.

-Ben

Well, today is today. Interesting, huh?

Anyways, I decided to update. No real reason, nothing extremely eventful has even happened to cause this. However, I feel it is neccesary for any good blogger to fill his "regulars" or just casual readers in with some information, whether it happens to be relevant or random.

Today, I woke up at about 12:30. I sat around for a little bit, and allowed myself to wake up. I came online and talked for a minute, and then Brittany called and we talked for about an hour. Then I went and took a shower, and came out and talked online for a little bit again. Then Brittany called back on her way home from Duran and we talked more. That pretty much leaves me where I'm at at this point.

I believe it would be beneficial for the readers to have something remotely interesting to read, so I will share a story with you which occured last night. So, here it is. Last night, it was around 12:30. I hear someone pull up in a car, and I got rather curious (perhaps it was a friend, etc?). So I went outside on my balcony, quietly, and looked out. The people had pulled up, and turned off all the lights in the car. This seemed a little odd to me, so I just stepped back and watched from my balcony. Suddenly they start throwing trash out of the window (bags, wrappers, etc). Then, much to my disbelief, the passenger gets out and stands up. He looks around as if to spot someone, and suddenly, he begins to piss on my lawn. I pretty much just chuckled to myself watching this happen, but I was a little disturbed. As he was getting back in the car, I walked up to the edge of my balcony. I wasn't about to let them get away without getting a word in, so I began flipping them off. As they start to pull off, I yelled out, "Hey, Fuckers!". They slow down for a moment, and I hear "What?" as if they didn't know where it was coming from. I shouted back, "I'll be sure to piss on your lawn, bitch!" After I yelled this, they basically just drove off into the alley. I found this hilarious at the time.

Anyways, right now I'm just listening to ICP and talking online a little bit. There are no plans for today, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Yesterday's plans got screwed over, so I guess I'm just not counting on anything happening anymore. I have been stuck in my house for days on end, locked in a swirl off bored depression. Amazing.

Ben, Signing Off.

Hello everyone. I apologize once more for not updating my journal, even though I have had far more than sufficient time to do so. Perhaps I will begin updating more often, just out of boredom.

Speaking of boredom, that has been the topic of the past week. I have been home-bound for most of the time, extremely bored. Usually I will just be on buddypic, which is somewhat interesting (although addicting, but boring at the same time). I have met some very interesting people on the forums there that I enjoy talking to. They have been my friends lately, more than anyone else. Most of my friends are usually busy working or doing other things lately. Heh.

I guess I'm pretty much just sitting awake here doing not much. Wild On (spring break I believe) is on, and it's the usual trash. Anyways, I'm talking to Kris and Margot, which is nice. I don't really have plans for anytime in the near future. Tomorrow, I may end up going some places with Ryan, but that's not a definite yet. Otherwise, all I can think of is that my cousins come to town on the 1st. Consequently, I really want to go see Paul Oakenfold play at Summerfest (which would be my first time going to Summerfest), but no one wants to go with me. So I'm not sure if anything will happen there; I'll just count on being disappointed. Lately I have been leaving the house for about 10 minutes a day to ride my bike down to some dirt jumps. This allows me to get some fresh air and feel a little thril for a while... my 10 minutes of fun, perhaps. So maybe I'll continue that trend tomorrow.

Sarah is up north, and I didn't call her tonight. I kind of lost track of time while I just sat around and all, so I'll just explain that tomorrow night if I call her. Hope everything is going well for her up north. Brittney recently came back from up north as well. I didn't talk to her today either, which I was ok with me too. I believe I will discontinue being friends with her for unstated reasons.

This is about all I can think of for now. Farewell until my next post.

Hello everyone,

Today has just begun for me. I woke up about half hour ago, and just kinda got cleaned up/ready for the day. I decided to come online and see what was happening, (although it ended up being not much).

Since I didnt end up posting again yesterday, I feel its appropriate to share just what happened. Well, I sat around the house most of the day doing a variety of things; writing poetry, talking online, and watching tv. I talked to Sarah on the phone a few times, which was good too. A little later on, I rode my bike (newly out of storage) up to the gas station to put air in the tires. When I came home, it was right back to the other stuff I was doing. So I kinda waited around a bit, and had some dinner after a while. Then, finally, Jake stopped over. We went to see who was able to hang out, but it didnt really seem like anyone was around to do that. So we kinda came back to my house to hang out and wait for something to happen (such as Will getting off work at midnight), and I talked to Brittney online until she had to leave. Then sometime shortly after that happened, Will stopped over. We hung out, and watched the South Park movie (which was uncut on comedy central!) So overall, it went decent.

Once again, I dont really have any plans for today going. They tend to be quite spontaneous during summer, especially lately. I realize its fathers day, so I think there might be a few slight festivities going on around this place. ;-/

I'll really try my best to make an update later. In the meantime, I'll just have to occupy myself with my own personal collection of boredom-stoppers.

Tah,

Ben

Good morning everyone. I realize that not writing for a while isnt quite the best way to gain an audience, so for that I apologize. In any case, I decided to write today (of what's happened so far). So, heregoes. I woke up around 8, and called Sarah. This is probably the most productive thing I've accomplished so far. Otherwise I have just been sitting around, and I ate some food and read a little bit. I'm not sure what my plans for today are, but they will probably come about as the day does. That's usually how they tend to happen, at least lately. Well, today is Saturday, so thats pretty cool. I think I should continue my adventure in Java programming, and maybe learn some new techniques. I would also like to write some more soon, as I have been on a rather large "writing block" for several weeks. We shall see in time...

I really do plan on writing more later.

Hello, all of my anxious readers. I cannot believe the massive audience I have accumulated that reads my lj on a regular basis. It's quite amazing. In any case, this is my first post, so I hope you will all enjoy it (a little too much). I will continue to "blog" when I see fit. I am not sure if this is a profitable venture or not, so we shall see. Perhaps I will give a brief index of todays occurances in order to properly synchronize your minds...

1. Became conscious
2. Sat/talked
3. Continued sitting
4. Planned
5. Talked more, planned more, sat more
6. Acted on the plan:
a) Brittney's house- (Myself, Joe, Brit, Cassie, Sarah, Courtney), hung out @ park/house (& ate), had fun.
b) Came home. Talked. Welcomed 'rents home, recieved gifts.
7. Stayed awake until this point. Talked online.

I hope this gives you an idea. If I begin to get more popular, I will add more windows such as this one for you to peer into my wonderful life. Don't worry, be happy.